It’s so hard to say goodbye. . .

I feel so down at this moment. I’m afraid that I’ll come back to this post, re-read, and delete it. I had to tell my best friend that I would see him in 5 weeks. I can’t even explain why it feels so heavy. I just know that Matthew is my, well, he’s everything to me. He’s going for training.

My girls have known for some time that he was going to leave because I didn’t want them to be surprised at the length of his absence. My heart broke when I watched them trying to say goodbye. Julianna stood at the door and refused to let him pass. The scream, “Noooooooooooooo” that passed through her when he finally did pass was excruciating. It was everything that I could do to be as strong as I could. Rachael was holding so tightly to his legs that she was being ‘drug’ as he tried to take a step. After he drove off, I found Baylee in her room crying – BIG cries. She told me that this had been the worst week of her life.

See, I’m a big girl and I see the big picture a little easier than they do. That’s the part that shatters me. I can’t stand watching them feel so broken with no control over anything.

As I stood there watching them all try to say goodbye to their daddy, and he to them, God spoke to me. He said, “See! Sometimes what hurts the most is right in line for blessing and destiny to happen.” I felt a little confused for a second, wondering why ‘I’ may have conjured this idea, but then I realized that He was speaking of Matt’s absence. In order for Matt to become who he was created to be, he has to leave for this training. He has been destined for great purpose. The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. I take comfort in knowing that He has ordered the path that Matthew is following. It doesn’t make it any easier, but in times such as these, He will be everything I need. The hardest thing for me to do is to say goodbye – I have learned it is a little easier to say, “See you later!”